There are two extremes we can fall into:
1. Ignoring what you feel. Pushing it away. And still, keep repeating the same shit.
2. Go into the trauma, feel it and keep feeling it and repeating the OLD story forever.
I feel it takes some self-discipline to realize that it’s okay, you felt enough into it, you can now move on.
Like you can finally acknowledge your past pain and then you just can’t forgive and let the old story be an old story, because you’re not realizing that you aren’t more the person that you have been back there.
You are not the person anymore that made those fear-based decisions that led to so much pain.
For me, this was a huge realization.
When I flew from India to Bali, I never wanted to leave but felt obligated to do so because I got a teaching opportunity and my family and friend Linda has been visiting.
It’s like for example I went this spring in Bali into a painful childhood trauma where I just never felt like belonging. I didn’t feel Swiss nor Serbian, I felt like my wild and intuitive nature wasn’t good enough or just always too much. I always heard that I’m too loud to find a man. That no man will want to marry a woman that well has a sharp tongue. Which caused that when I was a teenager, I went to another extreme and really held myself back when I dated guys. I was like frozen and couldn’t say a word.
I really started feeling deeply into that sadness and cried many nights here in Zurich and also in Bali when I found out. Also, a Balinese healer told me that my heaviness and depression comes from that. So I just sit with my pain and hold myself but also choose now to see all the abundance and friends, family and love around me. I am belonging. To my heart AND there is so much love around me and that I don’t have to keep experiencing the old story of not belonging. I also kept checking in when I wanted to please to belong and truly asking myself if I even want to belong to that person/group or if it is just a pattern.
Ways that help me to exchange beliefs in a pro-active way:
Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears by Pema Chödron
Go on an out-of-comfort-zone experience and meet people that live a different life or have different views on life. For example challenge yourself during an Ecstatic Dance (come today and dance for a good cause!!), Osho Active Meditation or come to the Gone Brave Woman Goa Retreat